Product Title:
Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis.
Description:
We think we are about other people, but actually we are all games. Forty years ago, Games People Play revolutionized our understanding of what is actually happening in our most basic social interactions. More than five million copies later, Dr. Eric Berne’s classic as astonishing & instructive, as it was on the date it was first published. This anniversary version offers a new foreword by Dr. James R. Allen, president of the International Transactional Analysis Association, & Kurt Vonnegut’s brilliant Life magazine review from 1965. We play all the time about sexual games, marital games, power games with our bosses, & competitive games with our friends. Detailing status contests like “Martini” (I know a better way) into combat deadly couples, such as “If it were never for you” & “sedition” into flirtation favorites like “The game Stocking” & “Let’s Fight Him & Her” Dr Berne exposes the secret tricks & maneuvers that will determine our unconscious intimate life. Explosion on his first appearance is Games People Play at present heavily recognized as the most original & influential popular psychology book of time has. It is as powerful & eye-opening as ever.
“Thank Psyche”, 1963 classic, that still in print. (600,000 copies; NY Times bestseller list for two years.) It’s not trendy and forgettable, it’s timeless and fascinating. (Here are our human “GAMES” such as “Kick Me,” “Is not it terrible,” and “Happy to Help”)
But two more subtle pleasures (which the other reviewers here have not yet mentioned) are the doctor wry WIT-plus real wisdom.
His thesis is uncompromising. Dr. Berne shows we play “games” taught us by our warped childhood, or the world and culture. Rock-bottom, “because it made so little opportunity for intimacy in daily life, and because some forms of intimacy (especially if intense) psychologically impossible for most people, most of the time in serious social life with games. Hence Games are necessary and desirable, and the only problem is that the games won by an individual offer the best yield for him. “Specifically, Berne says we should bad psychological games (based on invalid old life-scripts from rejecting the past), in favor the better social games. (And yes, the games seem giddily toxic, especially “Look how hard I tried,” “See What You Made Me Do” and “I am only trying to help”)
oh, for the intimacy-anxiety many people is the goal-in-life in the “sick” games to heal, and then play the non-pathological ones. But for a couple of lucky ones, the open-calm-easy-natural responsiveness of true mental maturity. Berne calls it “autonomy.” It includes awareness, spontaneity and intimacy.
Okay. Skim or skip the theoretical Part One. But you enjoy the 106 games in the story-time part two. I mean, who can such a peppery plots as “Courtroom”, “frigid woman” and resist “Now I have you, you SOB”?) And then consider the third part on genuine autonomy: wow. Bern, despite many CAN go in the direction of true autonomy. (I know. I have. It made me crooked in decades. Worth the trip …..) But do not miss Dr. Berne’s
WIT. He softens his pessimism through his dubious, ironic, “hopeful realism” you might say. I found this irresistible low-key, laconic gems about the human condition as these:
(1) “She and her husband had little in common besides their household and child care, so stood out that their arguments as important events, it was mainly on such occasions, they had nothing but the most casual conversations. “
(2) [On the difference between the mathematical and psychological games:]” Mathematical game analysis postulates players who are completely rational. Transactional game analysis deals with games that are un-rational or irrational, and therefore more real. “
(3)” ‘Beautiful friendships’ are often on the fact that the players complement each other with great satisfaction and business, based, so there is a maximum yield with minimal effort from the games they play with each other. “
(4) (On the game:” I’m just trying to help me “: a welfare agency worker and her client.)” Gave it a tacit agreement between the employee and the customer are as follows: W: I will try to help you (unless you are better). C: I am looking for employment (assuming I have to find any, any). If a client broke the agreement by getting better, the agency lost a client and the client lost his benefits, and both felt penalized …. “
(5) (On the game:” If it were not for you “:)” (1) on the surface: Mr. White: You stay at home and take care of the house. Mrs. White: If it is not for you, could I would enjoy. (2) But in reality: Mr. White: You must always be here when I get home. I am terrified of desertion. Mrs. White: I will if you help me phobic situations avoided. “
(6) (On the game” Wooden Leg “or the defensive, resistant” What do you expect from a man with a wooden leg? “)” Are more sophisticated, such reasons as: What do you expect from a man ( a) comes from a broken home (b) is neurotic (c) is in the analysis or (d) is a disease known as alcoholism suffering? These are the top: “If I stop this (neurotic behavior), I will not analyze the situation, and I will never get better.” The other side of the “wooden leg” “rickshaw” means, with the thesis: “If they talk only (rickshaws) (duckbill platypuses) (girls, the ancient Egyptian) around this town, I never have to thank for this mess.”
Aaaach, Dr. Eric, your conduct questionable, doubtful, disenchanted and yet also dedicated and Doughty-worthy is also the master himself, Dr. Sigmund, yes …..
And then the goal of all this “autonomy.” Learning to see, a teapot, hear the birds sing (and interact with themselves and others), it was how you meant, right. And not the kind of society, culture, family, and the benefits of dingy gimmick should tell you !…. Four times in as many decades I’ve re-read Berne description of this “autonomy.” And every time I see more, because I slowly but getting closer and closer to autonomy. To this natural, frictionless, appreciative, mellow committed, honest, for real interaction with yourself and others. (Of course, I’d take advantage of useful and skilled psychotherapy in the break.) But one heart: a long road can have arrival points. Dr. Berne shows the way, with the wisdom and ironic wit, the doubting but dedicated attitude of the best in the psychoanalytic tradition.
Rating: 5.5
This book is Eric Berne’s popularization of Transactional Analysis, the approach to understanding and treating realtionship disorders that he largely developed. Regardless of its effectiveness as a form of therapy, it is an intriguing possibility, normal human interactions veiw. I first read this book more than two decades and have gone back to reread parts of it since. While
Berner categorizations of pastimes and play a little poor (seems after all, the behavior is infinitely richer than any theory can easily handle) the basic assumptions of the transactional analysis offers a new way of understanding that to do a lot of people who would otherwise seems either meaningless or baffeling. It is a real contribution to understanding ourselves.
My life is not ‘game free’, but at least I know more of the games I play, and I am less mistake their arbitrary rules for life and death imperatives.
Definitely worth reading for anyone who values self examination.
Rating: 5.5
I was initially a little skeptical of a book that was a bit old, she thought would be out of date, but I found this to be extremely relevant. When you buy the book, I jumped first at the games section, skipping the details of the Berne theories. I was immediately how many games I was unconsciously playing both in my relationship with my spouse and in my work life failed. With my wife, I found the games “If it were not for you” and “Look how hard I tried,” to be eerily similar to some of our interactions. I recently was the analysis of transactions with my colleagues at work and noticed patterns that many of the games described here fit well.
Berner section on the theory behind the games is fascinating. I recommend reading through some of the games first and then go to the theories. By understanding the theories, you learn why you inevitably participate in these games. After I understood why I was drawn into this pattern, I could understand my motives. Finally, after understanding my motives, I could change my actions and responses, if necessary.
Overall, I found this book very useful for the understanding of my relationships with people. It is refreshingly different from many of the self-help material out there. This book cuts right to the chase and gives you tools to live. I recommend it. After reading this book, I’ve also read What Do You Say After You Say Hello Eric Berne and Scripts People Live by Claude Steiner.
Rating: 5.5
When I had finished this book, my immediate response was a disappointment. He tries to treat his object scientifically as it is practical – sometimes the “players identified,” and sometimes they are not, sometimes the game an antithesis, and sometimes not. Bern would argue that the games are structurally similar, but it is clear that not just this way.
Interestingly enough, though, but it was disappointment, I do not regret reading this book one bit. I began to see some of these games around me, and I was able to identify other games that were not mentioned in the book. The whole book reinforces an important concept – that people can act and interact, for reasons that have nothing to do with their own happiness.
Read the book and you will understand, though perhaps not immediately.
Rating: 5.3
_games People Play_ by Eric Berne is a layman accessible book on psychology in particular with regard to the concept of playing, which I found very interesting.
At its most basic level, to search for people, Bern, what stroke it a “stroke conditions,” such as small children with actual (whether it be literally caress, a pat on the head or a hug to develop) to get into healthy psychological sense (and to health) need adults a “stroke” as well (which he defined as the basic unit of social action). An exchange of strokes is a transaction that is the unit of social intercourse. Such an exchange could be so much like a very simple greeting or something much more elaborate.
Adults have a hunger not only for the stimulation and recognition, but also for the structure of their waking hours. Most of the time a person is an activity (eg “work” structure), called the rules of procedure (eg how to bake a cake, or a plane to fly). Other parts are a person of social programming, which results in ritual and semi-ritual exchanges with other people, which often come, others the general name of “morality” (examples are generic work greetings and brief conversations about the weather or health ) regulated. Bern terms semi-ritualistic topical Conservations as a pastime, like cocktail party conversations about cars, bad husbands or financial results.
A person, individual programming, what he called games. Games are not necessarily “fun” and is quite dark, heavy (as in Bern Book is covered by alcoholism playing game). In the end, the author wrote that, ultimately, true intimacy – where the social structure and ulterior motivations give way – more than desirable, either a pastime or a game (both deputy).
Key to the structural analysis and understanding of the game is the concept of ego state. An ego state is a coherent set of feelings and behaviors in one person, all linked. Everyone has three such ego states, or the exteropsychic Parent ego state, the individual parental instincts and experience, and vital to effective children and a condition that many answers in the life of a true increase automatic release from the burden of innumerable trivial decisions can and the psychological or adult state, in the direction of an autonomous, objective assessment of the direction and editing of reality, the state’s most needed for survival, and the child or archaeopsychic state, represented archaic patterns of behavior in early childhood, when in a solid person lives “intuition, creativity and spontaneous drive and enjoyment” (The author rejects the notion childish as negative and harmful).
Getting back to the concept of transaction writes, Berne, that simple Transactional analysis is the determination, the transactional stimulus Ego State made available and the government reacted in a specific situation. Transactions for free, such as parent-child interaction, where a feverish child asks for a glass of a nurturing mother to expect these transactions and are part of the natural, healthy human relationships. However, a crossed transaction occurs, in which the attraction of a group of ego-states (such as Adult-Adult, if one other, for example, where the keys are in demand) and the appropriate response within this series of ego states (such as Adult-Adult response to the desk) is not given, but the reaction of the other ego state (reaction a child could always blame me for the loss of your key).
; transactions Lanyards can not always obvious, and these transactions ulterior motives are the basis for games and the primary topic of this book. Ulterior transactions involve the activities of more than two ego states simultaneously and can be of two main types. Angular operations include three ego states, and while they ostensibly, at the social level, especially between two ego states (say, for example, Adult Adult can be addressed), really the ulterior or psychological vector is in a different I-state (for example, say design, perhaps a social impulses Adult Child, provoking a response). A duplex ulterior transaction involves four ego states flirt (as in, on the surface it might appear to Adult-Adult, but in reality is a child-child), most games are for this type of transaction.
< , br /> games he differs from superficially similar procedures, rituals and activities, a number of free transactions, ulterior motives, that the progress of a well-defined, predictable result. Games are open are inherently dishonest (by definition, procedures, rituals and pastimes) and the grant is applied for dramatic, often negative for one of the parties involved. The main part of the book is detailed with classifying and discussing a number of games. Dividing games in seven categories (Life, Family, Party, Sex, Underworld, Consulting Room ‘and’ Good), he describes the structure of these games, the roles involved, the coveted award, and the antithesis of a game to see how and to move or at the end of a game. An example is the first game, which he describes that the alcohol (which incidentally also contain other substances). The central thesis of this game could be written to look as bad as I have and see if you stop me and the aim should be, the payment is mortification. to be played for this game, we obviously have to alcohol, and the runner-up (the chief supporting role), the savior, and Patsy (Enabler, in a sense). The social paradigm is Adult Adult, but in reality the game of psychological parent-child paradigm. The antithesis is difficult, but in essence, the therapist is a departure from the established roles of persecutor or rescuer and refusal to play the game.
A lot of games discussed in the book are some I found a bit hard to accept, others I like to recognize in my daily life. Most of them were very sad and negative, in particular those such as Kick Me What You Made Me Do and frigid woman, although a few were very constructive and useful to society, how gladly assist you and Cavalier lake. A little frightening to think a lot of social interaction between man, when the game after reading this I do not want to play!
Rating: 5.4